I went at my mom's house this morning. We were supposed to check this place out to see if we can do my Baby Anaiah's dedication and my Ate Sakura's birthday party there. While trying to finish dressing up, my mom told me that she talked with Tita Anrym, my dad's other partner, and asked her if I would be offended, since they would be considered hand-me-downs, if she would send me baby clothes of my half sister's daughter who is turning four this year. My mom told me that she told Tita Anrym that, on the contrary, I would actually be delighted.
I'm sharing this with you because I feel so blessed that after all these years, I am able to reach out to my "other family" in the States. My sisters and I, together with my half siblings in the US, are God's blessings to our parents. We are rewards from the Lord, as I believe it. Whatever happened in the past, we cannot do anything about. What matters is what we plan to do with what we have in our hands at present. We are a big family. But we all love one another regardless of our unusual set up. I thank and praise God that after all my prayers, this prayer of being able to reach out to my family in the US is finally granted. I know that this is the start of a better relationship for us all. God is a God who fixes relationships. God is a God of love. And regardless of the decisions our father made, I always remember that God IS my father, my real father. And this is why I don't and I shouldn't feel different or abandoned or pitiful. Because God the Father looks after me and stays with me wherever I go. And despite what other people think of my family's atypical set up, it is only His opinion that really matters to me.
"With God, all things are possible."
-Matthew 19:26
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Frustrations: Part 2 - Vices
One of the reasons why my husband and I have disagreements is his drinking problem. Don't get me wrong, I have been there myself. I used to go out clubbing every night, drinking like there's no tomorrow, and trying things I never thought I would in my life. I used to be a chain smoker. I used to think that cigarettes calm me down and are the only ones who stick with me and stay by my side when everybody else leaves me. All these I did before I fully surrendered to my Savior.
I almost gave up on my husband because I could not bear the thought that something else, aside from us - his family, makes him feel good - calm and happy. At first, I tried doing things my way. I used to be a nag. (And to be honest, I'm still working on it, making sure I just shut my mouth whenever I feel like "attacking" my family especially my husband.) I tried persuading my husband, through my constant bickering, to stop his uncontrolled drinking and taking in of things he knows have a very bad long term effect on his health. In his case, after a number of shots or bottles of alcoholic drinks, a part of his brain malfunctions, therefore, not allowing him to remember a thing during his episode of drunkenness. This is a very scary situation especially for us, because he might snap out of his good self one day, God forbid, and do terrible things to his family.
With this case, frustration is inevitable. Questions and doubts start to cloud my mind. How will I make him realize that these things are unhealthy, not to mention dangerous, to the family? That relationships are put at risk? I alone could not do it. Believe me, I have tried my everything. However, frustration does not necessarily imply a negative reaction. It's all about attitude. It's about how we choose to react when we get frustrated. Only then did I realize that only God can touch my husband's heart. The Bible is here to guide, instruct, assure, and comfort us during our temporal stay on this earth. It is the Lord's manual and how-to book for us on how to live our lives not to mention to live it to the full, as He promised.
According to 1 Peter 3:1-2 (New International Version or NIV), "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives". In the English Standard Version, the conduct of the wife that is indicated on verse two is interpreted as "respectful and pure".
We all want change for the betterment of our family. But how do we know we're in the right track and that we're doing what we're supposed to do as regards the roles assigned to us? Let's go back to the basic - the Bible. It may sound unusual to some but reading the Bible, understanding God's word, doing the Lord's instructions, and knowing His great promises actually lessen our feeling of frustration and aloneness, knowing and believing that God has something much, much better in store for us and our family. All these is a part of God's divine set-up so that we may enjoy His promise of abundant life.
Let us always remember Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
Let's keep the faith.
I almost gave up on my husband because I could not bear the thought that something else, aside from us - his family, makes him feel good - calm and happy. At first, I tried doing things my way. I used to be a nag. (And to be honest, I'm still working on it, making sure I just shut my mouth whenever I feel like "attacking" my family especially my husband.) I tried persuading my husband, through my constant bickering, to stop his uncontrolled drinking and taking in of things he knows have a very bad long term effect on his health. In his case, after a number of shots or bottles of alcoholic drinks, a part of his brain malfunctions, therefore, not allowing him to remember a thing during his episode of drunkenness. This is a very scary situation especially for us, because he might snap out of his good self one day, God forbid, and do terrible things to his family.
With this case, frustration is inevitable. Questions and doubts start to cloud my mind. How will I make him realize that these things are unhealthy, not to mention dangerous, to the family? That relationships are put at risk? I alone could not do it. Believe me, I have tried my everything. However, frustration does not necessarily imply a negative reaction. It's all about attitude. It's about how we choose to react when we get frustrated. Only then did I realize that only God can touch my husband's heart. The Bible is here to guide, instruct, assure, and comfort us during our temporal stay on this earth. It is the Lord's manual and how-to book for us on how to live our lives not to mention to live it to the full, as He promised.
According to 1 Peter 3:1-2 (New International Version or NIV), "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives". In the English Standard Version, the conduct of the wife that is indicated on verse two is interpreted as "respectful and pure".
We all want change for the betterment of our family. But how do we know we're in the right track and that we're doing what we're supposed to do as regards the roles assigned to us? Let's go back to the basic - the Bible. It may sound unusual to some but reading the Bible, understanding God's word, doing the Lord's instructions, and knowing His great promises actually lessen our feeling of frustration and aloneness, knowing and believing that God has something much, much better in store for us and our family. All these is a part of God's divine set-up so that we may enjoy His promise of abundant life.
Let us always remember Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus".
Let's keep the faith.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Frustrations: Part 1 - Time Management
Being a mother, as you always hear it, is a 24/7 job. There are no holidays nor sick leaves, no overtime pay, and definitely no way to resign from it. With this said, it is but normal for parents, mothers especially, to get frustrated. And whether we like it or not, when we're tired and frustrated, we tend to hurt our children through our words, our actions, and even our simple silence. Whether you're a working mom or a full-time mommy, at the end of the day, it seems that there is something lacking. Was there a client you weren't able to call? Was there a corner you forgot to clean? When, at long last, we have dinner with the family, we may find ourselves "wanting" that alone time which we only get to have when we're in the washroom - either to take a bath or to drop some bombs. Maybe because we're too exhausted from work. We've given all our energy doing all these things. And for whom?
I think that the number one cause of frustration to most moms, which I also base on my personal experience, is time constraint. Most of the time, we're so busy thinking of work, household chores, how to acquire more money to be able to provide for the family or to take the family out on a treat, business meetings here and there, lunch dates with peers, and the like that we tend to forget the very thing that matters most - our children. They are the reason why, in the first place, we have these goals and do the best we can to achieve them. However, if we just focus ourselves on the goals and forget why we do these and for whom we work hard for, then, whether we achieve our goals or not, we are, sadly, losers. So, what would be the best solution to this problem? Time Management.
If, as a business woman, we can organize our schedule and budget our time organizing and conducting trainings in the office, writing a probable time table for a specific project, then why not apply this at home? If, as a full time home maker, we have a regular routine and time for the household chores like cleaning the house in the morning or cooking dinner at 4 P.M., then why not include a specific time for our children? According to a well renowned book I've read, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren (It's a very good book, and lets us know what our real purpose in this life is), children spell LOVE as T-I-M-E. I agree. And I think this applies not just to children but to each and every member of the family as well. How do we feel when our husbands get home and watch basketball instead of spending some time with us, wives, stroking our hair and asking us how our day was? How do we feel when our teenage kids get home from school and goes straight in the room to play DOTA or talk endlessly on the phone or spend the rest of their waking hours on Facebook playing Farm Ville?
Time is everything. And "timing" is everything. An hour after dinner is a good time to spend with the kids. It makes them feel loved when we give them our time and when we listen to their stories. It makes them know God more and accept God more through the love that we show, not just give, to our children. Our children feel important when they come to us and ask or say something, and, regardless of what we're doing, we look them in the eye and answer their queries or simply listen to what they have to say. Children are people too. And God loves children. So, all the more that they ought to feel loved because they ARE loved. And our undivided attention tells them so. It's not easy managing a hectic schedule, but it's also not impossible. Let's make our children feel loved by us and by God today.
I think that the number one cause of frustration to most moms, which I also base on my personal experience, is time constraint. Most of the time, we're so busy thinking of work, household chores, how to acquire more money to be able to provide for the family or to take the family out on a treat, business meetings here and there, lunch dates with peers, and the like that we tend to forget the very thing that matters most - our children. They are the reason why, in the first place, we have these goals and do the best we can to achieve them. However, if we just focus ourselves on the goals and forget why we do these and for whom we work hard for, then, whether we achieve our goals or not, we are, sadly, losers. So, what would be the best solution to this problem? Time Management.
If, as a business woman, we can organize our schedule and budget our time organizing and conducting trainings in the office, writing a probable time table for a specific project, then why not apply this at home? If, as a full time home maker, we have a regular routine and time for the household chores like cleaning the house in the morning or cooking dinner at 4 P.M., then why not include a specific time for our children? According to a well renowned book I've read, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren (It's a very good book, and lets us know what our real purpose in this life is), children spell LOVE as T-I-M-E. I agree. And I think this applies not just to children but to each and every member of the family as well. How do we feel when our husbands get home and watch basketball instead of spending some time with us, wives, stroking our hair and asking us how our day was? How do we feel when our teenage kids get home from school and goes straight in the room to play DOTA or talk endlessly on the phone or spend the rest of their waking hours on Facebook playing Farm Ville?
Time is everything. And "timing" is everything. An hour after dinner is a good time to spend with the kids. It makes them feel loved when we give them our time and when we listen to their stories. It makes them know God more and accept God more through the love that we show, not just give, to our children. Our children feel important when they come to us and ask or say something, and, regardless of what we're doing, we look them in the eye and answer their queries or simply listen to what they have to say. Children are people too. And God loves children. So, all the more that they ought to feel loved because they ARE loved. And our undivided attention tells them so. It's not easy managing a hectic schedule, but it's also not impossible. Let's make our children feel loved by us and by God today.
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